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| A young woman and man embracing while outdoors. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
I
don't really write the "Sex and the City" style articles
often, probably never, but I recently read this article about myths
surrounding cheating. One of the myths that stick out is of those
that cheat, only a handful reported it was because they had fallen
out of love, or felt the relationship comming to a close. On the
contrary they merely wanted to have sex with someone else, the "same
old sex" can get kind of boring it would appear. Reportedly,
trying to spice up the sex life can be self-detremental, leaving you
feeling like the end of the relationship was your fault.
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| Chemical structure of oxytocin. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
However,
over time, these chemicals wear off, and just like any drug, the
longer you use, or are in love, the worse it hurts when it's over.
Interestingly enough just like an addict you're literally detoxing,
going through withdrawl. What's worse? We're perfectly conditioned to
generate this chemical, but not so well conditioned for maintaining
the production. You might find it a suprise to know that we, as
humans, are not designed to be mated for life. The idea of "Til'
Death do us Part" was introduced almost entirely by eastern
culture, tradition, and primarily religion. But it's grown from that
first leather wedding band into the grand events they've become
today. We spend hundreds, thousands, hundred-thousands of dollars for
a wedding when our very nature demands that the marriage last for a
few years. We're pair-bonders, meaning we mate for a while then find
a new mate. Mexico recently made a very progressive move and
introduced legislation to allow couples to put an expiration date on
their marriage, though I haven't heard much about it recently and I
assume it won't do well. We do not produce a pheramone that bonds us
permanently together, like the mole, which incidentally is the only
mamal that does such a thing.
So,
knowing all this, it doesn't suprise me that we are very infidellious
creatures. In fact, some studies suggest that open, or polyamorous,
relationships often fare better. They offer the opportunity for us to
explore. I've always been steadfast in my opinions, values, and
stance on relationships and cheating, and now I've had to
re-evaluate. I've always persisted in the belief that I wouldn't be
content with a polyamorous relationship, but logically it makes
sense. I've always felt that if you were going to cheat on someone,
that you should end the relationship before you start tupping the
neighbor, though given recent statistics showing most people remain
in love when they cheat and were merely seeking variety. While I
understand the need or desire for variety in sex partners, when you
enter into a relationship you also enter into what is considered a
"Social Contract" and you shold honor it. If you were
expected to be monogomous then you should remain so, or adjust the
conditions of your arrangement/relationship/social contract.
We
need to learn to be more honest with ourselves and others. We're a
very sexual species and we can do little to alter our evolutionary
nature. So if you want variety in a relationship, find someone who is
looking for the same thing. I think though, that my main idea here,
is that we may be a society full of racey sex-addicts, but we should
still respect each other enough to sit down and have a conversation
with them. You might try discussing a more open arrangement before
you cheat. If the relationship ends there, well it was going to
happen anyway, in time. At least you didn't earn the reputation of
being the "Cheater."
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